Newspapers are slowly but surely becoming a thing of the past. With the internet becoming ever more present in our lives, people see no point in paying to read about yesterday’s news when the internet provides up-to the minute news. What about the comics in the newspaper? It seems that even they are inferior to their internet counterparts.

Internet comics are very popular. Whereas the comics in the paper come regardless whether you like them or not, internet comics are comics that you seek out because you are interested. These strips have become so popular, that they have begun to sell merchandise based on their comic.

The reason these strips have reached such fame is that they target niche markets and relate to the viewers in a personal way lacking from most newspaper comics. For example, for video gamers, there is For a humorous fantasy-epic, there is These comics put in a lot of effort while it seems those in the newspapers have been slacking.

The comics in the newspaper seem to be stuck doing the same jokes and humor they’ve been doing for years. It’s aggravating to expect something humorous when it’s just another golf joke about how golfers destroy their golf clubs in frustration. Now, I know the comics I’m about to rag on are dear to some viewers (both of you). I know that the exaggerated flaws and characteristics that I’ll mention “make” the strip. I’m sorry, but I’m going to rip on them.

Cathy: I’ve tried to like this one, but I can’t. This woman is forever obsessed with clothing, her weight, and shoes to a ridiculous degree, and feels it’s appropriate to shout “AACCKKK!” in public. It’s never appropriate to shout that in public. This woman gets frazzled by anything, like cookies, or a pair of shoes, or her dog. I don’t think this woman is reliable in high-stress situations. And somehow she got married! I don’t think this woman who can be defeated by a summer sales woman is really reliable in high-stress situation.

Look at her problem-sloving skills!

Dennis the Menace and Marvin: When the kids in the strip never age and never change, the parents must do something drastic to make sure they don’t lose their sanity. Like Ritilin or beatings. Dennis annoys his neighbor Mr. Wilson so much that Mr. Wilson should be justified in tazoring Dennis. I am serious about this. How many times can a kid track mud in a house, break a window with a baseball, or destroy his parent’s personal things and still tack it up to “mischief?” He’s a problem child. Marvin is an annoying brat who has whipped both his parents at the age of 2. That is new-age parenting for you.

Family Circus: I know this is a slice of innocence, but that’s just it…it’s innocent to the point of blissful ignorance. The children sound downright retarded when they call “lightning” “Mother Nature’s fireworks”. So they probably think the  sinkhole in Guatemala is…you know, I’m gonna leave that one alone. These kids are also completely innocent and delightful, as if cut off from every form of news and their parents never have have an argument. This is the world Sarah Palin dreams of.

And he has more viewers than me.

Sally Forth: It is a funny strip, but the husband/father has no backbone. The man never stands up for himself to anyone (that includes his daughter), has no friends, and is regarded but everyone as a hopeless loser. I like the movie The Last Starfighter ( as well and that doesn’t make me hopeless (I hope).

Heathecliff: The cat doesn’t chase mice, constantly cheats or is kicked out of sporting events, knocks over garbage, fights with everything, and has a dad who is in jail and constantly escapes. Why is the dad in jail? Is he a murderer? A burgular? An Enron executive? The truth must come out. 

Annie: I am sorry it ended, but any kid who goes through what Annie has and can only say “Gee whiz!” when someone pulls a gun on her (again) is repressing some serious stuff. She’s going to end up in therapy or a retreat of some sort when she’s 16.

Notice: no soul.

Garfield: It’s. Not. Funny. Lasaga could be funny, maybe once. The whole strip is about a cat living a perfect life devoid of responsibility, eating, and abusing it’s owner relentlessly. Any cat owner will tell you that they don’t need to read the strip since their cat does the exact same stuff to them.

 Anyway, here’s where you guys come in. What’s the comic strip you love to read and which one do you hate? What would you do for the comics page?

P.S. – I think you should watch this trailer from the E3 conference: