Archive for April, 2013

When one compares one’s life to a video game, the video game is better in almost every way. There is a definite bad guy, you are the good guy, killing the bad guy totally gets you a babe (or hulk or you a lady), and not only can you kill baddies, you can then take whatever they have on their bodies to help you kill their friends! No matter who you are, the video game is almost always better.

Pictured: the exception to the paragraph above.

Pictured: the exception to the paragraph above.

In all seriousness though, there are times when your life having qualities of a game wouldn’t hurt. For example:

You increase your skill level simply by performing the action over and over.

There are certain actions, chores, and conversations we have on a weekly, if not daily basis. Things such as doing laundry, going on job interviews, and evading the police. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you baked enough cookies so that every batch for the rest of your life would automatically taste like it had been prepared by a loving bakery? Any job interview would be no sweat since you’ve been on enough to know how to act on any interview? Alas, it is not to be so. Then again, if this were to be so, entire industries would collapse and teenage boys would never the house since they had become so good at what they do all day alone in their rooms.


School work. I don't know where your mind was going.

School work. I don’t know where your mind was going.

Or how about…

Limitless stamina and strength.

Mega Man never once complained about being out of breath while forever running to the right. Nor did Sonic while being made to participate in Sonic 06! Any hero of any game can run, lift, jump, and carry hundreds of pounds of equipment with them at all times. Just think of all the things you can carry in Fallout 3. You bring your own arsenal, ammunition, medical supplies, food, water, and armor. On top of any quest items, scrap and chemical components. Not to mention bobble heads.


What you did for a Klondike Bar is nothing compared to what you did for these.

What you did for a Klondike Bar is nothing compared to what you did for these.

And let’s not forget the greatest thing of all…

Being able to go back and replay a saved file.

If you have been alive longer than two hours you have said or done something you wish you could take back. Whether yawning just when your crush looks at you, failing to evade the police, or just being awkward in general, we have all wished we could go back in time and change things. Forget to pay a bill? Load yesterday’s file. Say “fat” instead of “phat”? Reload. Unsure of which group of friends to go out with tonight? Go out with one, reload and go out with another.

Who am I kidding with "groups " of friends?

Who am I kidding with “groups ” of friends?



This of course begs the question, what would we play then?


There was a time when gaming was about sitting next to each other and playing the game, which would include playing close enough to the screen to probable damage your eyes permanently. BUT NO MATTER! For the world needed to be saved and your and your buddy were going to defeat the legions of minions to kill the evil overlord and nothing was going to delay you ( except bathroom breaks and dinner).



“I don’t care if you have to pee! Hold it in or I’ll beat it out of you!”

Now with the internet you can play from different houses with no pants on. It’s fantastic and allows for maximum comfort. However, gamers no longer seem to care about the experience itself so much as winning or losing. Case in point, the League of Legends community. The game itself is great, never playing the same way twice, and different ways to play each champion which there are dozens. However, the problem is that the community is becoming just as obsessed as the Starcraft community. Whereas every move and attack must be properly timed and executed.



Now picture one character shouting at his team for not surrendering. And slurs. So many slurs.

When someone on team A is killed, the killer on team B get loads of gold for it and then can use that gold to buy items to make themselves more powerful. If someone isn’t doing well, or having a bad game (we’ve all been there) then the team will surrender. The opposing team will have better items so that playing against them is harder. The challenge is greater, but then the victory would be more satisfying. No one improves their game by playing against easy opponents.  However, players will have a small epileptic fit when their team wants to keep playing instead of giving up.


"You have provided a challenge to me, and I wanted you to roll over and let me win. Well, this'll show you."

“You have provided a challenge to me, and I wanted you to roll over and let me win. Well, this’ll show you.”


This is annoying to say the least, especially since gamers are supposed to have an incredible tenacity. Y’know, that whole joke about one more level and then we’ll quit?

All that's missing is "Mom! Ten more minutes! MOM!"

All that’s missing is “Mom! Ten more minutes! MOM!”


Games like Metal Slug, Ninja Gaiden, and Ghost N’ Goblins wouldn’t be popular if people didn’t enjoy a challenge. Today’s gamers however want their achievement points and declared winner. In fact, everyone thinks they are the next professional competitive gamer. You’re not. Think of it this way: Anyone can play baseball, but do you think the MLB will be calling you? Now, more people play video games. However, ’cause you play all week, all of a sudden you are an honorary Korean. You are not.


You and your friends don't even have matching outfits.

You and your friends don’t even have matching outfits.


Apparently the gaming community still has a lot of growing up to do.