It doesn’t seem to matter why the Earth is doomed, or the reason, it doesn’t matter. Whether its due to the core of the earth, glaciers melting, Mother Nature’s favorite TV show gets cancelled (why Deadwood? WHHYYY!?) it will unfold the same way.

Should of read my blog.

Step 1: The Warning

In a remote station out on the hills of Tibet is a researcher that’s been studying  monkey poop. It helps if the researcher is a kind-looking old man who been doing this for 11+ years. He notices that there’s been an incredible spike in monkey-pooing and wonders whats causing this. Meanwhile, in Washington D.C., a young, brilliant geologist/meteorologist/scatological researcher tries to alert government officials the earth shows signs of global warming to the point of where your armpit hair will burst into flames. His warning is pooh-poohed (pun intended).

It knows what's goin' down.

 Step 2: Minor Catastrophes

Things start to happen: people sweat more, sheep evaporate, and it rains lava. Politicans consult Republican scientists, who assure them that it’s completely natural, and it will all go away by next Tuesday. The young scientist in Washington alerts his family and very hot girlfriend to what’s going on. The monkeys that the scientist in Tibet is studying have nearly passed out from the strain.

"The sheep melted because they didn't love America enough."

Step 3: Major Catastrophes

It’s now undeniable: the seas have risen 100 feet, Africa has melted, and Gibbs from NCIS is looking nervous. The president demands to know why the hell he wasn’t told of this earlier, before he went to the “Orphans Building Homes for Puppies out of Lollipops” ribbon-cutting ceremony. The government starts listening to the young scientist, who tells them to evacuate everyone to some third world nation because they will be safe there, which is some sort of commentary on global politics or something. The monkeys in Tibet have crapped themselves to death. Fun fact: Did you know that you can tell how bad the disaster is by the color of the president? It’s true!

We just might pull through this.

Game over, man! Game over!

                   

Step 4: The majority of the Special Effects Budget   

Everything in the world is going wrong and everyone knows it. Iconic cities and landmarks are being demolished, people are dying but not very graphically, and  the very last tamagotchi in existence is destroyed. We now watch the young scientist and his hot girlfirend run from a wave of destuction for a half-hour. They make it, but just barely. The scientist in Tibet muses morality and philosophy, never offering to get off his rear and help people however he can. The President and what’s left of America get on airplanes to the safe third-world country.

"Hey, I can see my house getting utterly destroyed from here."

Step 5: Disaster(s) Suddenly Ends

For no real reason other than the movie has reached the hour-and-a-half mark, the disaster subsides. Now that the major characters and most of the minor ones have made it, we see that the surviving people try to take a lesson about how to treat the Earth better. They don’t seem too bummed out about civilization being destroyed or how they are powerless to stop this from happening again. Instead they vow to re-build and repopulate the Earth better than before, even though most of the people who could do that are now dead.

More or less.

Now, comment folks! Do you think you could survive a disaster movie, and if so, how? Also, what’s one thing you want to see in future disaster films? Thanks to those who have checked this blog for updates, I shall keep this thing going. That was meant as a promise, not a threat.