Tag Archive: media


Vampires have been in popular culture ever since Abraham “Bram the Man” Stoker wrote Dracula in 1897. Always a mysteriously, brooding character with a forbidden sexual appeal for necrophiliacs, vampires have always been in the publics’ mind. Now with Twilight, the trend continues but in a direction that has most of the male gender confused and women of all ages falling in love with the long-saught whiny vampire.

"If Bella doesn't love me, it'll just inspire more dark poetry for me to write in my marble notebook."

As much as I want to, I can’t make fun of the books simply because I haven’t read them. Nor will I ever. I have seen all the movies though (don’t ask) and will try to explain why these movies are creepy and terrible in ways that most of the tween audience doesn’t see.

First things first. Vampires don’t glitter. They burst into red/blue flames, or disintigrate into dust. That’s how it works. Nature would not allow a fearsome predator to glitter and somehow still catch its prey, unless the object is to make people laugh hard enough they can’t run fast. Do werewolves smell of honey and peaches? Does Frankenstein have a fantastic singing voice? Is the Mummy’s wrappings Charmin-soft? No. Therefore, vampires don’t glitter.

You have no idea how easy it is to find pictures like this.

Second gripe before I get to my main points: vampires and werewolves do not walk around  like they walked out of an Abercrombie-Fitch ad. They traditionally wear black or dark colors, whether as a nod to the vampire’s gothic roots, or to seem intimidating. I understand that sometimes its necessary to bring certain ideas or characters into the 21st century. But to break completely away and have snobby-looking vampires? I’ve been subjected to watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Even Spike wears black leather. C’mon!

It's funny 'cause he's on fire.

Now onto the creepy parts of Twilight. Edward watches Bella sleep, without her permission, telling her in the first movie that he likes to. Bella finds nothing wrong with this. This makes Edward creepy. However, Bella states, very plainly I might add, in the first movie that “About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” In one sentence, she has admitted that not only does she know that there are vampires in the world, but that one in her hometown thirsts for her blood…and that’s the guy she is truly in love with. The one that wants to drink her body of blood ’til she looks like a five-foot flesh-colored raisin. She’s not creepy. She’s a freak.

She's a very kinky girl/The kind you don't take home to mother/She will never let your spirits down...

The other thing that gets to me is that this movie seems to groom young girls for the programming of the Lifetime Network. Now, in the second movie, Bella and Edward break up, mainly because thinks there is only enough room in the relationship for one whiny, emotionally immature teen. He goes far away, presumably because she learned a lot of stalking techniques from him. She thens takes emotional dependacy to whole new freakin’ level: she does potentially-fatal activities to hallicinate Edward telling her not to do potentially-fatal activities. Just mull that over for a second…something that’s not even real is telling you stop.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

 The other thing that gets to me is a spoiler for those who like the movies but haven’t read the books: Edward gets Bella instead Jacob. How? Sure Jacob has more of a personality than Edward, and shows more emotion and his family life might have more love and tenderness but you see, Jacob has a thing for newborn infants. That’s right; Bella and Edward get married later on in the series and have a child. Jacob “imprints” on this baby, meaning that is who he destined to be with for life, at first glance of the baby. Of the baby. OF THE BABY. This vampire child thens proceeds to grow to be mentally and physically 17 years old in a matter of months and then stays that age. They fall in love and Jacob gets his baby-crush…so when she’s 17 physically (keep in mind in actuality she’s less than a year old) Jacob is in his thirties.

This is less creepy and easier to see coming than pedo-wolf.

I could go on (quite easily) but all good things come to an end. However, now it’s your turn. What about Twilight do you hate, or for that matter, what wildly popular thing did you hate while it was out? Also, I will write about a previous topic if someone wishes me to re-visit it, or a new one if enough people request it (with my current view count, that would be maybe 3 to 4 people at the moment – shooting for 5 in the future!)  Thank you for reading and before I go, I would like to share an awesome picture:

Pictured: awesomeness.

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Gotta start somewhere…

I love the movies. I love going to the movies and get pulled into a universe of space ship fleets, battles of epic proportions, breath-taking beauty and inspirational speeches. A movie where you love to root for the underdog and hate the villian. A movie where you can eat a whole bag of popcorn to.

However, lately I’ve been getting the feeling that Hollywood doesn’t care so much for the “magic” part of the movies and more with the “How can we make $40 million fast?” I realize that movies are a business and businesses need to make money. I buy their merchandise in support…or at least that’s what I tell myself when I look at all my Star Wars figurines. The problem I have is that Hollywood no longer has the spirit to take a chance on a new, aspiring director or take a chance on a plot that doesn’t follow the regular formula. How many movies have come out lately where you could guess what was going to happen later on?

What’s even more annoying than unoriginal movies are sequels. Both the unoriginal movie and the sequel are a void of creativity. They don’t even attempt to disguise the fact that all of their characters are from central casting. Central casting means that a character in a certain role has a certain personality and quirks. For example, every cop is a loose cannon on the edge, or the side-kick is a doofus, and all the husbands are helpless idiots with hot wives who are nags.

 At least the unoriginal movies have some sort of point to them whereas some sequels are pointless even; everything was done and wrapped up in the previous movie. No loose ends. Then another movie is simply cranked out just to capitalize on the success of the previous one. For example: the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie was great. It had everything – laughs, adventure, battles, sword fighting and pirates in dresses. It ended well, and I loved it so. However, with Dead Man’s Chest, I was disappointed. With the third Pirates movie, At World’s End, when I came home my dog found me curled up in the fetal position in the shower. And there is another sequel in the works. It’s called On Stranger Tides, and it is strange since the cast of the first three movies are not in it. So I have have no idea where they are going with this.

Pirates isn’t the only one though that gave in to the sequel sickness. Movies that have been left alone for years are all of a sudden being revived like Frankenstein (just not as pretty). Liked Evil Dead? It’s getting a sequel. Enjoyed Independence Day, or Men in Black, Mad Max, Monster Inc., or Super Troopers? All are being given either the second or third movie to their series.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit 2.   They’re doing it. I’m not kidding. I wish I was. I’m not.

Big Momma’s House 3. Goddammit.

It’s one thing to have a plot that’s simply too big to contain in one movie. But, sometimes its okay to leave something to the audience’s imagination. No one ever asked for a sequel to Casablanca. See why: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3odtrWWc2A

Please comment on this entry. Do you agree or am I being too harsh on Hollywood or too idealistic? Here’s a thought to comment on: if you could have a sequel to any movie every made and have it as good as the original, what movie would you choose?

Links to more sequels at  http://denofgeek.com/movies/405391/updated_86_movie_sequels_currently_in_development.html For the movie lovers, try http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-Rr_BtUBR4&feature=PlayList&p=64867E76ED7CFF91&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=8. I do not claim to have made either video.