Tag Archive: parody


TV to DC

w4ra5

This is the last political song I’m writing for a while because I am starting to develop a drinking habit because of the news.

TV to DC

(melody to “Zero to Hero”)

 

0h dear God

Trump is just so flawed

Won’t shut up about that supposed voter fraud

What a tool!

Trump speaks like a fool

Then puts stupid Betsy Devoss in charge of every children’s school

 

He was a business man

On TV, TV

Now he’s the president

There in DC

So what the White House has a leak

From TV to DC in a week

TV to DC, the orange freak!

 

When he’d deny there is outcry

With yells and boos

And according to him he always will win

(Ignore fake news!)

 

From real-estate and matters of state

Our Trump has money to gain

But since he works for the people

He could tell you

Rules are a such a pain!

 

Have some gin ‘cause the crazy will begin

Building a wall

Is considered a major win

Do not ask

‘Bout Russia links and ties

While women hope

Donald’s advisors will be wise

 

Donny he talks, he boosts, he deals

People ask “Is he for reals?”

He is just loud, dumb, and crass

From TV to DC a total ass

From TV to DC there’s just no class

 

Who always leaves the ‘grace’ out of ‘disgrace’?

(Donald Trump!)

Who legislates on points of race?

(Donald Trump!)

Isn’t he smart? (No one dumber!)

Is he leaving? (Perhaps by summer!)

Donald Trump (x7)

 

What a scheme Trump is gaining steam

Unrelenting

Hating gays and the ACA

Just tormenting

 

He was a misogynist

On TV, TV

Now he’s a racist

In charge of DC

 

He’s destroying the country with so much hate

From TV to DC

Trump is so creepy

Just so ghastly

Second rate!

Fine, fine, fine

1599_21352

This is another song I wrote when I was bored in May 2016, so that explains why this song has Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders singing Disney songs together…maybe not. In any case, I realize the lyrics aren’t perfect with the music, but I did this for free so you get what you pay for. Enjoy.

“Fine, Fine, Fine” 

(to the tune of “Mine, mine, mine” from Disney’s “Pocahontas”)

[Donald Trump]

A place in the Senate

The office of mayor

Both are as useless

As the average tax payer

King of the White House

Will be my position

If you think ‘Merica is number one

Get me to Washington

 

Sign, guys, sign every person

And give, guys, don’t ever stop

The Dems have no prayer, guys

Swear, guys

Get on the phone

Call all that you know

And tell them to fall into line

With me in charge, it’ll be fine, fine, fine

[Voters]

Vote and vote and vote and votety

Vote and vote and vote and votety

[Hillary Clinton]

Big business money!

Big business money!

[Trump]

Oh, this feels great!

[Hillary]

Fundraising money!

Fundraising money!

[Trump]

It must be fate!

[Hillary]

Sweet Wall Street money!

Sweet Wall Street money!

[Trump and Hillary]

There’s so much of it…

[Trump]

All aimed at the people I hate!

 

My Republican foes

Know I am no quitter

When I debate Hillary

They know I’ll just out-wit her

All of my followers

They love me on Twitter

They’ll all have to respect me

They’ll love me…no, elect me!

 

It’s fine, fine, fine

What we’re making

It’s fine, guys

Find me those votes!

With me as the nominee…

 

With me standing tall

I’ll build that Mexican wall

No matter how much they whine

With all of the votes…I’m fine!

 

[Voters]

Vote and vote and vote and votety

Vote and vote and vote and votety-vote

[Bernie Sanders]

All of my life, I had wanted us to be like

Denmark

A tiny, cold,  powerless country

That nobody minds

I want to make my mark on the Dems

Or my “Dem-mark”!

If you want everything free

Then just vote for me

The middle class will finally be fine!

 

[Trump and Voters together]

 

[Trump]

Don’t listen to the news

With their twisted views

Find, guys, find

Find me those…votes

[Voters]

Find

Secure a state

Then another state

Vote! Vote! And votety

Vote! Vote! Get all the votes!

 

[All]

Make the USA

A-OK

[Trump]

You may want my tax forms

Because of election norms

But I haven’t seen yours why show you mine?

 

[Bernie]

The rich have it all…

[Trump]

My fingers aren’t small…

[Bernie]

My foreign policy won’t stall!

[Trump]

I’ll have great ratings this fall!

 

Trumps and Voters together]

[Trump]

And the votes

Are…

Mine!

Mine!

Mine!

Mine!

 

[Voters]

So go get the votes

The battle’s just begun

Our guy’s number one

We are hell-bent

For our guy to be president and (s)he’s

Fine!

Vote and vote and votety-vote!

Apologies to Gene Wilder

best-gene-wilder-movies-u1

This is wildly inappropriate, and sacrilege to one of the funniest actors in the last 50 years. That said, here’s my contribution to the downfall of our society:

Willy Wanka (to the melody of “Pure Imagination”)

[Spoken]

Surf the web

Be aroused

Hit the search key

 

[Sung]

Look with me

You will see

A new world of

Raw deprivation

Go and gaze

And engage

In furious masturbation

 

We’ll proceed

With the deed

Because we read

Stories of triple penetration

What you like

Just may be

Domination

 

If you want to view a pair that’s nice

Just un-zip your pants and slap it

Anytime you’re horny, fap it

Want to mute the sound?

Whatever helps

To whack it

 

There’s no shame

If you came

To pictures of

Anal exploration

Just be sure

The site’s free

Or no big credit card fee

 

If you have a real nasty vice

In a video with no budget

Try not to harshly judge it

Think no one makes mistakes?

Even butt men

Fudge it

 

If a crow

And a doe

Fill the screen with

Animal ejaculation

Look at them

Filled with glee

That is the

Way to be

The American Civil War was fought from 1861 to 1865, killing close to 6300,000 men and wounding  400,000 more. Countless homes were destroyed, lives and families ruined, cities devastated, and the social structure of the South dramatically altered. Not to brag, but we Americans know how to party.

"That was AWESOME! Let's shoot Ted out of the cannon next."

 This conflict did have long reaching effects that lasted for decades, most of them not good. Politically, the nation was still divided, and assassinating the president never really helps anyone except the undertaker, and the newspaper man, and the vice president, and…okay it helped a few people, but they don’t count in the grand scheme o’ things. Let us not forget the plight, segregation, and degradation of an entire race of people a century after the end of the war.

Not to mention the sterotypes they must combat against.

 The thing that gets to me the most is that people claim the American Civil War was not fought over slavery. The argument is that the Conferderacy was formed and fought for a way of life (to own slaves), to protect states’ rights (that owned slaves) and to stand in defiance of the federal government (when they didn’t want you to have slaves). There really isn’t any middle ground on this, or room for grey area. Either you’re for enslaving an entire race of people or against it. It’s pretty much black and white.

                                                                                                                                                              

What bothers me is how each side is portrayed in this conflict. Unlike the rest of the world, we Americans tend to view conflicts in terms of “good-guy”/”bad-guy”. The rest of the world tends to view things in a more practical sense. For example, at the beginning of World War II, Americans didn’t like the Germans because they were being oppressive to their conquered peoples. Great Britain didn’t like Germany simply because they were becoming too powerful on the continent and upsetting the balance of power.

Because Britain has a long tradition of caring for its conquered peoples...or colonies. Whatever.

So why is it that America views the Confederacy with a kind of admiration? We view the colonists as saintly and the British as evil overlords during the American Revolution, even though we weren’t really justified in our rebellion. We tend to view the Southern rebels as a sort of American spirit, led by gentlemen, followed by honest, noble county-boys.

With the 150th anniversary of the start of the war behind us, it seemed that everyone wanted to weigh in on the Civil War. The descendents of Confederates, people who are in the same state the Confederates were, and the descendents of slaves. The white people remembered it as a time their great-grandfathers fought for honor, statehood, and their homes. Black people remembered it as when their ancestors were no longer  dragged around in chains having their asses whipped to pulp.

People who have the Confederate flag on their trucks seem to not remember how all these little houses got all over the South.

The point of the matter that I’m trying to get at is is that history is there for us to learn from, not change so we as a nation can feel good about ourselves. The Civil War was fought for America’s soul…and to keep America’s penis as part of the Union (yep, that’s you Florida).  We need to remember that although the war was fought at the start to keep the Union together, it started over slavery and became the war to end it. If you think I’ll trying to fuel flames here or am trying to portray the South as delisional, I’m not. They are doing it all on their own. The main example I point to is the name the South refers to the Civil War. The Civil War is what it’s called in the north. The south calls it “The War Between the States” and “The War of Northern Aggression.”

"Look how agressive they are in that Fort Sumter. Get every gun known to God and blow it up."

 Obviously this entry will solve nothing: Northerners will eat at IHOP and Southerners will eat at the Waffle House. That, and the memories of the Civil War will always be biased. At least we can rest knowing that today we are united as a nation…

Oy...

        Leave a comment folks. More entries to come.

Vampires have been in popular culture ever since Abraham “Bram the Man” Stoker wrote Dracula in 1897. Always a mysteriously, brooding character with a forbidden sexual appeal for necrophiliacs, vampires have always been in the publics’ mind. Now with Twilight, the trend continues but in a direction that has most of the male gender confused and women of all ages falling in love with the long-saught whiny vampire.

"If Bella doesn't love me, it'll just inspire more dark poetry for me to write in my marble notebook."

As much as I want to, I can’t make fun of the books simply because I haven’t read them. Nor will I ever. I have seen all the movies though (don’t ask) and will try to explain why these movies are creepy and terrible in ways that most of the tween audience doesn’t see.

First things first. Vampires don’t glitter. They burst into red/blue flames, or disintigrate into dust. That’s how it works. Nature would not allow a fearsome predator to glitter and somehow still catch its prey, unless the object is to make people laugh hard enough they can’t run fast. Do werewolves smell of honey and peaches? Does Frankenstein have a fantastic singing voice? Is the Mummy’s wrappings Charmin-soft? No. Therefore, vampires don’t glitter.

You have no idea how easy it is to find pictures like this.

Second gripe before I get to my main points: vampires and werewolves do not walk around  like they walked out of an Abercrombie-Fitch ad. They traditionally wear black or dark colors, whether as a nod to the vampire’s gothic roots, or to seem intimidating. I understand that sometimes its necessary to bring certain ideas or characters into the 21st century. But to break completely away and have snobby-looking vampires? I’ve been subjected to watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Even Spike wears black leather. C’mon!

It's funny 'cause he's on fire.

Now onto the creepy parts of Twilight. Edward watches Bella sleep, without her permission, telling her in the first movie that he likes to. Bella finds nothing wrong with this. This makes Edward creepy. However, Bella states, very plainly I might add, in the first movie that “About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” In one sentence, she has admitted that not only does she know that there are vampires in the world, but that one in her hometown thirsts for her blood…and that’s the guy she is truly in love with. The one that wants to drink her body of blood ’til she looks like a five-foot flesh-colored raisin. She’s not creepy. She’s a freak.

She's a very kinky girl/The kind you don't take home to mother/She will never let your spirits down...

The other thing that gets to me is that this movie seems to groom young girls for the programming of the Lifetime Network. Now, in the second movie, Bella and Edward break up, mainly because thinks there is only enough room in the relationship for one whiny, emotionally immature teen. He goes far away, presumably because she learned a lot of stalking techniques from him. She thens takes emotional dependacy to whole new freakin’ level: she does potentially-fatal activities to hallicinate Edward telling her not to do potentially-fatal activities. Just mull that over for a second…something that’s not even real is telling you stop.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

 The other thing that gets to me is a spoiler for those who like the movies but haven’t read the books: Edward gets Bella instead Jacob. How? Sure Jacob has more of a personality than Edward, and shows more emotion and his family life might have more love and tenderness but you see, Jacob has a thing for newborn infants. That’s right; Bella and Edward get married later on in the series and have a child. Jacob “imprints” on this baby, meaning that is who he destined to be with for life, at first glance of the baby. Of the baby. OF THE BABY. This vampire child thens proceeds to grow to be mentally and physically 17 years old in a matter of months and then stays that age. They fall in love and Jacob gets his baby-crush…so when she’s 17 physically (keep in mind in actuality she’s less than a year old) Jacob is in his thirties.

This is less creepy and easier to see coming than pedo-wolf.

I could go on (quite easily) but all good things come to an end. However, now it’s your turn. What about Twilight do you hate, or for that matter, what wildly popular thing did you hate while it was out? Also, I will write about a previous topic if someone wishes me to re-visit it, or a new one if enough people request it (with my current view count, that would be maybe 3 to 4 people at the moment – shooting for 5 in the future!)  Thank you for reading and before I go, I would like to share an awesome picture:

Pictured: awesomeness.