Tag Archive: video games


An RPG Fight

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I thoroughly enjoy playing any game where I can get progressively stronger so I can kill all who oppose me (to save the world of course.) This is my tribute to the role-playing game:

(to Bruno Mars’ “That’s What I Like“)

Hey, hey, hey
I have Marle with her crossbow
Her Haste moves you pronto
She uses healing magic
That gives her a white glow
Ayla only needs her fist, Fights dinosaurs
If you’re lucky she’ll give a kiss, Run on all fours
In the future I found a robot
Fought mutants and whatnot
Robo is well developed
With a nice subplot
A palace underwater, It would become so lethal
The queen will ignore her daughter, And then doom her people

Jump in the Wings of Time
(Avoid the Day of Lavos)
Got Lucca driving
(Oh shit Magus we gotta vamos)
We can save Guardia, we can save the world
I just have to find a save point

It doesn’t matter the name
Or if they all play the same
Any RPG is a fun game, is a fun game
Any RPG is a fun game, is a fun game
Role-playing greatness and fame
Makes other genres seem tame
Any RPG is a fine game, is a fine game
Any RPG is a fine game, is a fine game

Me and Dogmeat in the Wastelands
Bandits making demands
Shoot all of their heads off
Looks like I’m in command, you radroach
And I don’t ever want to set the world on fire
Destroying Megaton doesn’t make me a liar
I’ll have ant meat for a meal
A stimpack to help me heal (me heal)
Now see there who is coming (see there)
It’s the Brotherhood of Steel
Are you good? (Are you good?) Or an Outcast (Or an Outcast?)
Have explosives? (Have explosives?) Let’s have a blast

Journey from the Citadel
(Have to stop the Enclave)
Murdered by a Deathclaw
(Restart from my last save)
There will be clean water, There will be clean water for all
And the Capital Wastes will bloom

It doesn’t matter the name
Or if they all play the same
Any RPG is a fun game, is a fun game
Any RPG is a fun game, is a fun game
Role-playing greatness and fame
Makes other genres seem tame
Any RPG is a fine game, is a fine game
Any RPG is a fine game, is a fine game

So you want an engrossing tale
Then you should be proud, to play as Tifa and Cloud
Backstory, backstory, backstory
Backstory, And Aerith got implaed
Dead as a doornail
Carth Onasi, Dual-welding nasty
And don’t forget Darth Revan
Say it, man say it out loud
This is gaming heaven

It doesn’t matter the name
Or if they all play the same
Any RPG is a fun game, is a fun game
Any RPG is a fun game, is a fun game
Role-playing greatness and fame
Makes other genres seem tame
Any RPG is a fine game, is a fine game
Any RPG is a fine game, is a fine game

 

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When one compares one’s life to a video game, the video game is better in almost every way. There is a definite bad guy, you are the good guy, killing the bad guy totally gets you a babe (or hulk or you a lady), and not only can you kill baddies, you can then take whatever they have on their bodies to help you kill their friends! No matter who you are, the video game is almost always better.

Pictured: the exception to the paragraph above.

Pictured: the exception to the paragraph above.

In all seriousness though, there are times when your life having qualities of a game wouldn’t hurt. For example:

You increase your skill level simply by performing the action over and over.

There are certain actions, chores, and conversations we have on a weekly, if not daily basis. Things such as doing laundry, going on job interviews, and evading the police. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you baked enough cookies so that every batch for the rest of your life would automatically taste like it had been prepared by a loving bakery? Any job interview would be no sweat since you’ve been on enough to know how to act on any interview? Alas, it is not to be so. Then again, if this were to be so, entire industries would collapse and teenage boys would never the house since they had become so good at what they do all day alone in their rooms.

 

School work. I don't know where your mind was going.

School work. I don’t know where your mind was going.

Or how about…

Limitless stamina and strength.

Mega Man never once complained about being out of breath while forever running to the right. Nor did Sonic while being made to participate in Sonic 06! Any hero of any game can run, lift, jump, and carry hundreds of pounds of equipment with them at all times. Just think of all the things you can carry in Fallout 3. You bring your own arsenal, ammunition, medical supplies, food, water, and armor. On top of any quest items, scrap and chemical components. Not to mention bobble heads.

 

What you did for a Klondike Bar is nothing compared to what you did for these.

What you did for a Klondike Bar is nothing compared to what you did for these.

And let’s not forget the greatest thing of all…

Being able to go back and replay a saved file.

If you have been alive longer than two hours you have said or done something you wish you could take back. Whether yawning just when your crush looks at you, failing to evade the police, or just being awkward in general, we have all wished we could go back in time and change things. Forget to pay a bill? Load yesterday’s file. Say “fat” instead of “phat”? Reload. Unsure of which group of friends to go out with tonight? Go out with one, reload and go out with another.

Who am I kidding with "groups " of friends?

Who am I kidding with “groups ” of friends?

 

 

This of course begs the question, what would we play then?